Behind the Scenes

This isolation has made me think about my past. I can see how the Lord is refining me in this situation, although it’s hard to endure. But, “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) I’m hoping that talking about it will help bring closure.

Josh and I made some bad decisions together in our past. Some of those bad decisions were friendships that we tried to maintain despite the fact that those friendships were leading us into sin. Josh and I had been going to church, but I question whether we were even really saved at that point in our lives. But there came a time when the Lord started to convict Josh and me about our sin, which led us to start digging for the truth. We discovered the foundation of our faith, which is based upon the verse Ephesians 2:8-9 which says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.”

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17) When Josh and I became saved, we turned away from our former lives out of love for our Savior. In no way are Josh and I perfect. We sin every single day. But it hurt our hearts to continue to live in this habitual sin that we knew was hurting us, which in turn hurt the Lord. Daily, we are having to pick up our cross and die to ourselves.

There were friends we stopped being around because we knew that they would draw us into temptation because we weren’t strong enough to resist. This was because I had issues. While bad company corrupts good character (1 Cor. 15:33), I simply had to distance myself from these people so that I didn’t continue to sin, or cause my fellow Christian to stumble as my beliefs were changing from theirs. These were the toughest decisions I ever had to make in my life. For a long time, especially after the passing of my mom, I felt just as isolated as I do now. That’s probably why it’s been brought to my attention again.

The reason I feel the need to bring it up is because my heart does grieve for those lost friendships. Some of them ended as a result of losing touch. I do know that there is a season for everything. However, I do still think about those friendships. I pray for these people regularly, and for the Lord to soften my heart towards them if I have any negative feelings. I have forgiven them, though I cannot be around them.

Looking at my past makes me realize that my past is just that. My past. It’s not forgotten, but I am not condemned because of it. (Romans 8:1) If you happen to stumble upon my social media accounts and my highlight reel makes it appear that I live a life without trials and tribulations, just know that couldn’t be further from the truth. I am a sinner, just like you. That said, I still know that I’m not strong enough to face those past friendships. It’s more than likely the best decision to keep those friendships closed. But, I ask for your forgiveness if you are from my past and I’ve hurt you in any way. If you heart is hardened toward me, I pray that you would forgive me so that you can be set free.