The hardest part of saying goodbye


Losing my mom has been very eventful. My relationship ended on a good note with her, so I felt like I was okay. It was hard for me to cry, because knowing that she was saved means that she went to be with the Lord and that I would get to see her again. I had heard from others who knew her that she was up there doing hair and singing praises! I thought I would be mad at God, and I didn’t feel that way.
When the dust settled, there were some feelings that I just couldn’t keep covered up anymore. I started to think selfishly.

Why does this person not care about me?

Why does it feel like that person doesn’t love me?

The enemy is at work telling me that I’m a failure and that my mom was mad at me for all these different things. He wants me to feel guilty.  The Holy Spirit convicted me very quickly. Why don’t I show my affection and devotion to the Lord? Why am I not thankful for the things he has given me? He gave me life and purpose. (Romans 8:28)


I cried and I prayed, and then I cried some more. The battle that goes on is a hard one to overcome. For a while there, I was sitting in a dark room and shutting all that light out when all I had to do was open the door just a crack. Losing my mom has been just that. When I open the door and pray and read my Bible, I can see so much more clearly. The Lord guides me and comforts me. There is no ending point in grief. It just gets easier as time goes on. But, I know that the Lord is good and faithful. One day there will be no more death, no more crying, and no more pain. (Revelation 21:4). So I will hold on to that promise. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Testimony from Quarantine

I have to give a testimony. So much has changed these last few months. Josh’s Prius died and we got a new (used) car. The boys had three different viruses at once, and Landon was almost hospitalized as a result. They were really sick! Wyatt shredded his leg climbing over a fence. Then, COVID-19 came, the boys got sick, and they were tested. Praise God the tests were negative! I proceeded to pull the boys out of public school for a few reasons after the quarantine. So, I had to create my own school with free curriculum online until next year when they start at a homeschool charter again. When I finally adapted to working out at home, I became pregnant and was put on bed rest due to complications. I went to the ER three weekends in a row with an ectopic scare, and then cramping and other symptoms. While they found a heartbeat and I was told my symptoms are normal, going through them is an entirely different experience. Then, I have to face the reality that this is the first baby my m
Read more

My Sleeve Gastrectomy Experience

Image
I will not spare the details! So, this is your warning to not continue reading if you don't like hearing about surgery and all it's loveliness. :) If you don't care about the days leading up to my surgery, just scroll past the first three pictures. My surgery was on a Tuesday. Sunday night, Connor was up all night crying and coughing. Josh was up with him all night so that I wouldn't get exposed to his illness before surgery. When he woke in the morning, the cough was completely gone and he acted fine. Wyatt and Landon went with their Uncle Jon that day to visit Gladstone for a field trip to check out some satellites. Josh and I took Connor to Disneyland. I was on the liquid diet, and hoped that would help me take my mind off the hunger. When we got home that night, Connor started having an asthma attack...or at least that's what we thought. As soon as we put him in bed, he started crying and then he couldn't catch his breath. We called the ambulance an
Read more